If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize