You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
