Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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