I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize