My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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