return my video game
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize