I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
