My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
