you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
