we have pet lesbian snakes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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