When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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