i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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