so that wasnt chicken after all
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
