i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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