I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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