mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
