if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
