I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
