I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
