I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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