she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i will never coherently bang her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
