my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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