Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So apparently I’m into choking now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
