I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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