she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
