You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
worst night to have a conscience
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
