I think I am morally bankrupt
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
