Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
