We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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