Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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