Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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