I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
