Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
