There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
