My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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