It's Friday. Sex?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
