I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
