Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
