Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
