you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this is an emotional support booty call
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
