It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
