Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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