you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize