I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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