seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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