I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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