I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
