i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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