Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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