ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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