Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
