why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
