My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
