So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Someone signed my nipple.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
