My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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