I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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