Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
