my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
