..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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