I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize