i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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