i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
