And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
