the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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