I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
