Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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