Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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