Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
