I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to calm my uterus...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize