You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
