she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
