Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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