I puked a lego.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
