I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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