its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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