Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
