Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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