he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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