I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
