I cockslap morals
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
